running away at first sight

The real reason I grew confused and insane is that I realized that I still like someone else a lot, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. (And this is probably unwise and stupid to post here, but I really don't care anymore. I'm like a tagger with a spraypaint can, leaving "Kilroy was here" all over the place, like a dog pissing on trees. If you can figure out who I am, and who I'm talking about, well, good for you, it doesn't change a goddamn thing.)

Amidst the waves and the cake and the gin, I once again realized how royally screwed I was, and this sent my mind reeling.

Is there any hope? If there isn't, what the hell do I do now?

This is when depression sets in. Big-time.

It didn't help at all that one of my cousins, a guy I grew up with, just got married to his on-again, off-again girlfriend for the last eight years, and they are so disgustingly happy that I wanted to commit suicide that very night, and pretty much tried to drink myself to death.

The thing that really wreaked havoc on my soul is that I've known this woman who is everything I could ever want and far more than I deserve for about that long, and really, I've had a crush on her before that (non-withstanding my disastrous obsession with you-know-who who is now married and has two kids)

And beside the fact that I didn't have a snowball's chance in Satan's asshole in the first place, I couldn't've done more to be as far away as possible from her.

Good one, dude. That's how you let people know you like them. Run away as far as possible.

And here I am, doing it all over again.

This has got to stop, one way or another.

Seriously.

Help.